Chapter 29: The Blue Oni's Secret
Looking at life through rose-colored lenses was like being in a 20th-century American romance movie. Love always triumphed; it was intense and passionate, a force so formidable it could overcome any obstacle.
Only good things will come from now on, Kiyoshi was sure.
Mother knocked on his door rather early. Kiyoshi opened it with the idea they would be going grocery shopping in a few minutes.
"Somebody is asking for you," Mother said unconvinced. "A boy named Itsuki."
Kiyoshi peeked through the door hole with the same suspicion his mother must have done when the doorbell unexpectedly chimed a Saturday morning. As Mother said, there was a blonde guy, glancing around while waiting for someone.
He tossed the door open. "What do you want?!" He sent a quick glance inside the house and closed the door behind him, then threw the thief a firm glare. "Hurry up!"
The confused guy blinked yet Kiyoshi didn't falter the slightest. He couldn't have any personal business with him. Why was he here? Kiyoshi wanted him to go away as soon as possible, leaving his short-lived happiness intact, preferably.
The guy replied dully after pulling himself together. "You have to talk to Keima--"
"No, I don't," Kiyoshi glowered. "I'm tired of arrogant people forcing me do what they want."
"He has been sick for the past week--"
"It's none of my business!" Kiyoshi cried. "Now leave me alone!"
"Are you going to abandon him?"
"Shut up! He's the one that doesn't need me anymore." It hurt. His chest ached. "He has friends. He has you. What could he need me for?"
". . . If you don't talk to him, you'll never know."
Kiyoshi sniffed. "You know about Kin and everything that has happened to him this past year. You know him better than I do now. I'm sure you can help."
"I can't," the blonde deadpanned.
Kiyoshi pressed his curled fists against his eyes. "Why won't you let me be happy? I know I'm a terrible person but--" He sniffed and looked up. "You are his best friend, aren't you? Keima will help you support him. If you need information, just ask me. Please, leave me alone."
The boy looked lost. "You don't understand."
"I don't want to understand!" Kiyoshi yelled. "I'm tired! I'm tired. . . I'm tired."
"I'm tired--" Kiyoshi gasped as the door opened, revealing a furious mother. He tried hiding the tears that had yet to stain his cheeks.
"Make amends with Kirishima-kun. Don't fight with your friends. It must be your fault anyway." Kiyoshi wanted to scream, let out all the emotional pain he had stored the past few days. "You are bothering the neighbors," mother said before closing the door.
Kiyoshi hated his life.
⚽️🐰⚽️
"It's all your fucking fault." He kicked the taller blonde. Anger bubbled in his stomach. He launched a series of bitter punches to the guy's muscled arms and back.
"I already apologized," the boy replied, holding back a groan as he closed one stormy grey eye. He carefully tried stepping away, lifting his arms to stop Kiyoshi's punches.
"I hate you." Kiyoshi continued throwing his fists. It was pitifully childish. But how else did he deal with his negative feelings but as a pitiful child? That was all he was. Fed up with himself, Kiyoshi hastened the pace to the idiot's house.
"You don't have to come if you really don't want to."
"And what," Kiyoshi spat. "Answer my mom why I came back early?" He turned back. "Stupid."
"You are important for Keima, Ryuugamine. That hasn't changed."
Kiyoshi despised how those specific words reassured him and promptly threw that feeling to his burning anger.
"You won't make up with him in that foul mood," the guy warned. "Calm down."
"As if it were that easy."
He heard a sigh. "Why did you fight with him?"
"None of your business." Read the mood. Keima's modest house entered his sight as they took the corner. Kiyoshi intentionally let the other one take care of the necessary formalities. He did feel troubled for barging into their house with his negative energy. Keima's mom looked concerned when their gazes locked for a second.
The other guy opened the door to Keima's room and announced their presence. The brunette's private room was surprisingly tidy, save from the clothes in the basket.
"How are you feeling?" The blonde asked, leaning slightly to stare at his former beloved.
"I could be getting better." Keima tilted his head downwards. The blonde patted Keima's shoulder, rising more anger in Kiyoshi who had sat beside the low table. He slammed his knees, loud enough to capture their attention and shut them up.
"Here are notes from yesterday's classes," the extra said. Keima thanked him and he proceeded to place the papers on the desk without being told.
"Why are you two so chummy?!" As if giving him a chance to leave, Keima replied gently and non-commital. But it only infuriated him more. "I'll be outside." Kiyoshi stood up and left the room, sitting beside the door. Tucking his head on his knees, he mustered thoughts to distract from the voices inside.
For all he was aware, Itsuki could be Keima's boyfriend. They could be doing stuff. They could have done stuff. Kiyoshi got the urge to talk to Hirawa. He curled into himself further. I'm the worst, I wouldn't have think of checking up with him if I didn't feel so terrible. What boyfriend am I? I can't do it. Yet, it wasn't like he didn't know the reason he accepted Hirawa's feelings this promptly. Kiyoshi messed his hair up. Keima doesn't need me anymore. What am I doing here? I could just go to the park to pass the time and head home.
When Itsuki opened the door, Kiyoshi flinched and hugged himself. He didn't reply to his farewell and continued to sink in the bitter soup of irrationality and madness he had concocted.
"Kiyoshi are you alright?" Keima's careful words almost made him burst into tears. He heard his friend kneel despite his illness and placed a hand on his shoulder. It burned.
"Don't touch me!" He flung it away, sliding against the floor as he lost balance. Keima's hurt expression made him regret his reaction. Why does everything has to be my fault?
"I'll tell mom to bring some tea. You can wait inside. . . if you want to." Keima sluggishly stood up, face sicklily flushed. He was wearing that baby blue set of pajamas from one of their sleepovers. Now, it tightened around his body, his belly button peeking out for a moment.
"No! No. . . That's fine." Kiyoshi pushed himself up. Why did he feel like the victim when caused Keima to be bedridden for days? The only thing that could knock him down was mental stress, and it was all Keima experienced this month.
While Kiyoshi wanted to help the boy back to bed, he felt it would raise the expectation that everything would be forgiven. That he wasn't a time bomb close to zero. After Keima settled, Kiyoshi kneeled beside the bed.
"How have you been?" Keima asked.
Don't make that hurt face.
"Stop," Kiyoshi's voice cracked. "Stop pretending everything is fine. It's not." He concealed his face again. "Stop pretending. Let's stop pretending."
"Then. . . what do you want to talk about?"
There's so much to talk about. "Let's lay bare everything. Feelings, thoughts."
"Okay." He added. "Do you want to start?"
Kiyoshi nodded, lifting his head and staring firmly at Keima's eyes. "Why did you come back? If you were going to focus on the tournament, why did you take up a promise that only got in your way?"
"That--"
"You could have done it after the Football Frontier. In the end, you set me aside."
Keima looked down. "I had no idea you cared about training together that much. I'm sorry."
Kiyoshi shook his head. "No, don't do that. You aren't the only one at fault. Don't go back to square one and take all the blame."
"Did you find out what I want you to take responsibility for?" Kiyoshi replied with a head shake. "All this time. . . I have no idea why you stopped being my friend."
"You mean a year ago?" He lowered his head. "Because I would have kept hurting you if I stayed. Didn't I. . . say that?"
"You didn't," Keima merely whispered.
"I would have kept hurting you like how I did the other day." He continued, his voice lowering to a whisper. "And all the other times."
The cheerful shine in Keima's eyes dimmed. "Being apart was painful. Unbelievable so. I pushed your limits, so it wasn't completely your fault. I'm sorry."
Kiyoshi shook his head furiously. "No! I'm sorry too! I-wanted it to be the last time I hurt you. But now we are here. I'm sorry for always being trouble. I still haven't changed at all and. . ."
"Kei, what do you need me for?" Kiyoshi begged. "Answer me. I want an answer."
Keima's eyes sparkled with peculiar affection. Whether it was due to his nickname or the question, Kiyoshi didn't know. "I can't think of plans like you, Kiyoshi. I wanted to be with you because I like it--"
"But our relationship was terrible!"
"That's why I want to make it better."
"You aren't making any sense." Kiyoshi nibbled his lip. "There must have been something you liked from our previous relationship to want to try again."
Keima smiled ever so slightly. "The good moments, most likely."
"That's--" Kiyoshi frowned. "Is that enough of a reason?"
Keima shrugged. "It is for someone like me."
"But the downsides--"
"I didn't think of them. More like, I had confidence it won't happen again."
This guy was an idiot. That confidence came out of nowhere. "Thank you, for giving someone like me another chance." He sobbed, shamefully so, blushing at the feeling Keima's finger brush some tears away.
"Kei. . ."
"Mmhm?"
"You really don't need me for anything?"
"I'm not that kind of person, Kiyoshi." His voice lowered. "I thought I had proven that."
"I'm sorry." He sniffed. "It's strange to hear that."
"I won't use you," Keima said, lips curling into a smile as Kiyoshi leaned on his touch.
"See? I haven't changed at all," Kiyoshi murmured. "Even while you are ill, I still need you to reassure me."
"Is that how you see it?" Keima hummed. "The Kiyoshi I know would have never come visiting if he were annoyed."
Kiyoshi chuckled. "I was a--"
"You have changed." Kiyoshi's hold froze. He felt his breath accelerate. He asked for confirmation and let go. Keima frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he breathed.
"Sorry, I didn't know you didn't want an answer!" Kiyoshi looked up, the brunette's face was as wide as a flower. "I won't ask about it."
"W-wait." Kiyoshi waived his hands in front of his chest. "Why do you look guilty?"
Keima returned a bewildered look that shifted to hesitant. "I know better than to ask things you don't want to talk about."
It's not like he didn't--oh shit. I lied. in his stupor, Keima extended a scapegoat. "Is there something else you want to talk about?"
"Um, I can tell you about it. I didn't really mind." He didn't allow leeways to fix his blunders. It was done. "I'm always told I'm mature for my age."
"You seemed the most mature in the team at times."
". . . I hate it."
"Oh."
Kiyoshi gently squeezed his elbow. "It's just, with my parents'--living with mom, I have been taking responsibilities most boys our age don't." That was one reason he resented Keima at times. He was so carefree, so cheerful. "I feel I didn't have time to enjoy my childhood. Like--" he hesitated. "It was taken from me."
"I didn't know at all," Keima sighed.
"I never told anyone because I thought no one would understand. All of you were so comfortable and carefree with your families--"
"Were you forcing yourself to act like us?"
Kiyoshi shook his head. "I just wanted to enjoy the little innocence I had." His lips quivered. "But now that you say I act like an adult, then maybe I don't have more time." He intertwined his hands. "Taking responsibilities, accepting responsibilities. Being pushed these things. . ." Kiyoshi laughed. It was hollow. "I'm not a child anymore."
"Damnit, I--Kiyoshi--I didn't mean to--"
"It's fine! It doesn't matter." He shrugged and felt a crooked smile on his lips. "I lost it long ago."
"Kiyoshi, no!" Keima slid out of the covers and wrapped him a hug. "You--ugh!"
Kiyoshi frantically tried pushing him away. "Let me go! You have no idea what I'm talking about." He narrowed his eyes when he was released. "I'll never tell you."
He brought his hand to his right ear, to the silver stud he chose to lodge there every day and pursed his lips. Keima knew nothing about it. This happened long before they met. Perhaps that was the last time Kiyoshi was truly a victim, for after the shameful fact everything went to hell.
"I'm dirty," he confessed.
"I don't think you are," Keima said surly. Kiyoshi looked up. Why was he blushing? The sight made him embarrassed. Keima's collarbone was visible, and he was panting softly.
"Hey, Keima. After you get better--after the mission ends--can we hang out lots?" His eyes stung. "Maybe I wouldn't mind hanging with Itsuki and the rest of the friends you made."
"We can hang out alone too," Keima generously offered.
"Can you think about it?" he whimpered.
"Sure, you don't have to cry about it." His friend smiled.
"It's just." He brushed a tear away. "It's been so long since I hung out in a group. We can attend the Obon festival too."
Keima gently shook his head. "You don't have to force yourself. I can go with Itsuki and Hisako. There have been more people lately."
Kiyoshi nodded meekly.
"Thank you, though. You don't have to do everything." Keima reverted to his original position and patted the space beside him.
Accepting the offering, Kiyoshi's heart began to thump. This is close and his body is blazing hot. Wasn't there anything else they had to talk about? "Um, Keima, how do you want me to take responsibility?" That time must have been as harsh as his. Was there something Keima wanted?
His beloved chuckled. "Now that you say that, I hadn't thought about it. I don't know how you can take responsibility." Keima didn't want to hurt Kiyoshi, nor Kiyoshi to torture himself.
"What does taking responsibility mean?" he asked airily.
Keima shrugged. "If I think of something, I'll tell you." A pleasant shock traveled from Kiyoshi's hand. Keima's palm on his top of his. Kiyoshi felt the heat climb to his naughty head. Why were there times were Keima was flirty? He couldn't possibly want to seduce him to bed.
"Keima?" He could feel his own pulse on his hand. "Uh-um, I know thi-is sounds stupid but-but--" He took a breath. "I was wondering if you had some no-non roma-ntic feelings for me-me. . ."
Keima's tender green eyes widened and his face flushed two tones of red. Kiyoshi cupped his mouth. "You-you do?!"
Keima stumbled on his words. "Wait, um." He scratched his neck with his other hand. "Give me a moment." He blinked a few times, shifting his gaze all over the place.
"A-are you okay?" Kiyoshi asked flustered. Leaning to the boy's face, their eyes met. Their faces were dangerously close. Or maybe just looked like it. He quickly pulled away. "I-if you do, why didn't you like the ki-kiss?"
"Kiyoshi, I have no idea what to say," he warned uncertainly.
"If you don't like me that way say no!" Kiyoshi squeaked in embarrassment. "It's that easy."
"What about you?!" Keima panic, encountering his gaze.
"That's not how it works!"
Keima fell silent and looked elsewhere. Kiyoshi's face was uncomfortably feverish. He looked down.
"I like you--"
"I don't know."
They replied in unison. Staring at each other again, Kiyoshi's mind exploded. He veiled his face and screamed.
"Ki-Kiyoshi. Kiyoshi?"
"I'm not dreaming, am I?" He pinched his cheeks. "You like me?" The last word came out like a squeal.
Keima covered his mouth with the back of his hand. "I said that. I-I do." He flinched as Kiyoshi let out a muted scream. "Wow, um, Kiyoshi. But you said--"
"Since when?!" he chimed.
Keima scratched the back of his head. "Not long ago. I didn't want to become friends because I liked you this way."
"Kya! That's so romantic!" He flung his arms around Keima. The boy yelped and bumped against the wall, then sighed in defeat.
Kiyoshi discharged all the giddy excitement in his body before Keima continued. "You said you weren't sure."
"That doesn't mean I can't like you that way~" Kiyoshi giggled. "I liked you once."
"Yeah," Keima murmured. "You did. Actually, I wasn't planning to tell you yet."
Kiyoshi tilted his head cutely, smiling. "Why not?"
Keima crossed his legs. "It seemed unfair to Kin. I promised I would spend the rest of the month with him. Then tell you after Obon. Maybe."
"But I found out~" Kiyoshi sang.
Keima sighed. "You don't have to give me an answer now." His face reddened a shade. "I won't be able to handle it if you reject me now."
Kiyoshi giggled. "Why do you think I will reject you?"
His face fell like a sad puppy's. "Because we were supposed to be friends," he mumbled, "and other things. So think about it."
Kiyoshi smiled. "Uhn! Did you enjoy the kiss then?" Keima made a face like an angry grimace. It was adorable. Kiyoshi placed his hands between Keima's body and leaned. "Should we do it again?"
"I-I'm sick Ki-Kiyoshi!" The brunette flushed. So cute. He looked away and grumbled. "I forget you get like this."
Kiyoshi pulled away. "I wouldn't kiss you without your consent or tease if you didn't seem to like it. Did you hate it?"
"Sorry, it feels inappropriate to enjoy it." Right, Kin. This confession shouldn't have happened today. Nevertheless, Kiyoshi worried. Keima wasn't as open about his feelings. Kiyoshi could hurt him without knowing.
Anyway, he couldn't kiss him for a bigger reason. One Keima didn't have to know yet.
The Blue Oni's Secret | End